Kopa's Legacy Blooper Reel
by Incarnate Firefly
Summary: For those who think Kopa's Legacy needs more humour to it.
1. Book 1

**[Author's Note]  
**Yes, I removed these temporarily from the ends of my stories, but I wasn't getting rid of them. I just thought that it'd be better to put the blooper reels somewhere separate, since they kinda ruin the mood that each epilogue establishes. I'm starting off with the blooper reels of books 1 and 2 for now, which I have made minor edits to before reposting, and I'll get the books 3 to 5 reels done soon!

* * *

"Prologue" Scene 2, Take 1  
Janga, who was absently staring at the fang-shaped birthmark on her right paw, suddenly caught Kivuli's gaze and asked, "How many of our patrol have not yet returned?"

"That's a very good question," said Kivuli, turning to the grassy field. "Hey, Siri! Where the hell is everybody?"

"I have no idea," Siri called back, standing up from the spot where she was hiding. "I was just wondering if there was supposed to be more lions on the set right now."

"Cut!" yelled Incarnate Firefly, stepping onto the set. "Just get this scene done, can't you? We don't need the extras right now anyway."

"Sorry to disagree, director, but I think I'd look pretty stupid chasing Siri without anyone to back me up," Jeraha pointed out.

Just then, Kopa entered the studio with all of Janga's lions. He stopped when he saw the crew and cameras placed around Mount Tempest. "Oh, are we shooting already?"

Incarnate facepalmed. "We were scheduled to start an hour ago. I couldn't find the extras so I started without them. Where have you all been, anyway?"

"Oh, we were hanging out with Asante's cast," said Kopa. "Those guys get so much more laughs than we do in their scenes."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great," Incarnate muttered. "Now get off the damn set and let the others take their positions."

···

"Prologue" Scene 2, Take 2  
"What do you have in mind?" Janga asked.

"Fujo," Kivuli said. Janga grinned.

"Alright. Go."

Everyone looked abruptly to the field as there was the sound of running, followed by a painful _smack_ and two simultaneous "Oof!"s. The grass rustled as Siri and Wivu stepped into view, both rubbing their heads.

"Sorry," said Wivu. "The director told me to just run onto the set, and I bumped into her."

Both lionesses turned to glare at Incarnate, who shrugged. "What do you want from me, an ice pack? Get back into your positions!"

···

"Kopa" Scene 1, Take 1  
Nuka grabbed Simba's hind leg. A moment later, the log beneath Nuka's paw gave way, sending him tumbling away from Simba while a second log rolled down the dam and crushed him.

"No!" shouted Zira as Simba climbed out of the gorge.

Kovu leaped down started pulling apart the logs. Zira ran forward and pushed him aside, and she pulled away the logs to reveal Nuka, who was for some reason shaking.

"Nuka," whispered Zira, thinking that the shaking was improvised.

And then Nuka burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry...mother..." he gasped, between his hysterics. "I tried..."

"Sure you did," Zira scoffed, slapping him in the face. "What is so funny?"

"...I tried not to laugh," said Nuka when he managed to control himself somewhat. "But this log is poking me right in the side, and it tickles..." He moved, and it caused him to start giggling again.

Incarnate groaned. "Cut! Nuka, do you know how much it costs to drop these logs on you? They're all broken now and I have to get another set! Now stop laughing before I decide to really make you die a horrible death!"

···

"Kopa" Scene 2, Take 1  
Simba walked up the length of Pride Rock's peak. "Follow me," he said.

Vitani hesitated. "But Your Maj—Simba, I'm not allowed up there. Only the king and his—"

"It's alright," Simba insisted gently. "Come on."

Slowly, Vitani stood and followed.

"Let me tell you something my father told me when I was a cub," said Simba. "Everything you see—"

"Belongs to someone else!" said Vitani suddenly.

Simba blinked in confusion. "What?" Then he got the joke. "Oh, you had to go there..."

Vitani laughed. "Sorry, couldn't resist."

"Vitani, I'm not paying you to make The Lion King 1½ references," shouted Incarnate. "Now take this seriously, you're supposed to angst right now!"

"But all I do in this story is angst," she complained. "Seriously, you've cut my tough personality so much I'm getting out of character!"

Incarnate rolled his eyes. "Oh, and I suppose cracking jokes is so in-character. Now stop messing around and redo the scene!"

···

"Kopa" Scene 3, Take 1  
Tumaini spotted Kopa sitting at the edge of the river, and silently sneaked up on him. He raised his paws when he was close enough to push him in.

Kopa didn't move, his paws still in the water. Tumaini stopped, posed rather awkwardly with his paws still poised to push Kopa in. A few more seconds passed and he began to lose patience. "Um...Kopa?"

Kopa turned around and jumped. "Oh, sorry! Was that my cue?"

"Yes," Tumaini said exasperatedly, lowering his paws.

"Yeah, I honestly didn't hear you coming," said Kopa. The two just stared at each other, unsure of what to do now.

Then Kopa suddenly pushed Tumaini into the water. Turning to Incarnate, he grinned. "Can we still count that as the scene?"

Incarnate couldn't help but laugh. "I wish."

Tumaini emerged from beneath the water, spluttering. "Thanks a lot," he said, dripping wet. As soon as he climbed out of the river, he pushed Kopa in as well.

···

"Kopa" Scene 3, Take 2  
Kopa picked up one of the dead fish by the tail and offered it to Tumaini.

Tumaini took it, looking a bit distasteful. "What did you do to its face?"

"I crushed its skull after I pulled it out of the water."

Tumaini pulled a face and turned to look off-set. "No, seriously, do I have to eat this? It looks disgusting."

"You're a lion, Tumaini," said Incarnate.

Tumaini looked rather offended. "Oh, so just because I'm a lion means you can feed me whatever you want? That's discrimination."

Incarnate rolled his eyes. "What would you prefer, steamed lobster with a side of roast potatoes and a glass of red wine? Come on, just take the fish, it's not going to kill you."

···

"Vitani" Scene 4, Take 1  
"And...then what happened?" Tumaini asked.

"I saw a lot of lions gathered around our pride's home, and I...I could smell blood. They must have killed someone, but...I don't know who. I heard one of them...talking about how the others escaped and...and...and I've forgotten the rest of my line." Siri turned to look off-set. "Can I see the script?"

"For crying out loud, Siri, we've rehearsed this a hundred times," grumbled Incarnate, walking up to her and handing her the script.

···

"Vitani" Scene 4, Take 2  
"I also heard these lions were attacking because of a plan Simba's pride that they made—I have no idea what I'm saying," Siri said. "I messed up, didn't I?"

···

"Vitani" Scene 4, Take 3  
"I also heard these lions were planning to make an attack on Simba. I knew I had to get to him, to warn him. That's when...this lioness joins them and says..." Siri looked down and became silent. Then she sighed. "I forgot the rest of my line again."

···

"Vitani" Scene 4, Take 4  
"I heard one of them talking about how the others escaped and might be heading for Simba's pride and were planning to make an attack on Simba and I knew I had to get to him and this lioness joins them and oh my God, why does this line have to be so long," said Siri, standing up. "Incarnate, I'm going to eat you."

···

"Vitani" Scene 5, Take 1  
The lionesses began to regroup as a rumbling filled the air, looking around apprehensively. Kiara quickly moved to join them, and had almost the group when a crack appeared beneath Nala's paws and sent her tumbling out of sight. She swore. "Oh, sh—!"

There was a very long pause. "I take it that wasn't supposed to happen?" Kiara asked at last. The other lionesses burst out laughing.

···

"Recollection in the Abyss" Scene 1, Take 1  
"Hey Kovu, wanna fight?" Vitani said. The two cubs got into their fighting stances.

Zira turned furiously to Nuka. "You were supposed to be _walking him!_"

Nuka cringed and shrunk back, but then he realized what she said. "Watching," he corrected.

"What?" Zira asked.

"The word is 'watching'."

"Oh, did I read the script wrong?" said Zira, embarrassed.

"That's your son, not a puppy," Nuka said cheekily. They both started laughing, as did Vitani, although Kovu didn't look very amused.

"Zira, you've already done this scene before," Incarnate complained from off-set.

She waved at him dismissively. "That was way back in 1998. Give me a break, alright?"

···

"Recollection in the Abyss" Scene 1, Take 2  
"What have I told you about _them_?!" Zira shouted.

"I'm sorry, mother!" Kovu cried. "She...she didn't seem so bad, even if she tried to hit on me when she told me her name..."

Zira was taken aback. "Kovu, you're a cub! How'd you know about hitting on people?" And then she started laughing. "I'm sorry, that was terrible improvisation on my part. Kovu, could you stick with your lines so I don't have to say something stupid?"

···

"Recollection in the Abyss" Scene 2, Take 1  
Kopa, who was fighting one of Jeraha's lions, ducked down low and swept the attacking lion's paws out from under him, causing him to fall. Tumaini tried to slide Siri onto his back, but his manoeuvre was off, and he only managed to lose his balance and fall to the ground in a heap with Siri lying on top of him.

"Ow," they both said at the same time. Everyone on set started laughing, although Jeraha hurried over to help them to their feet.

···

"Recollection in the Abyss" Scene 2, Take 2  
Tumaini slid Siri onto his back. Jeraha raised a paw to attack them both. Kopa ran towards him and was about to leap onto his back, when he tripped over a rock and collided with Jeraha.

Both lions went flying, with Kopa knocking into Tumaini, and Jeraha bowling straight through a line of lions. Several lions were thrown off-set and collided with a dozen camera tripods, boom stands, and other expensive-looking equipment. Some of it fell over, and others were crushed outright by the weight of the lions.

"Oh, no," moaned Incarnate, surveying the wreckage with dismay. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

···

"Vitani's Secret" Scene 1, Take 1  
"Mother, what are you talking about?" Vitani asked.

Zira smiled unpleasantly as she leered at Kopa. "You shouldn't wander to places like these, you know. Where no one can see you. The river current is so brutal after the storm, and it's so foggy out, it's like fate has chosen for me to kill you today...ugh." She ran one paw down her face. "That was probably the worst ad-libbing I've done in my entire career."

"Very morbid," agreed Incarnate. "Even by my standards."

"'Fate has chosen for me to kill you today'," repeated adult Kopa from off-set. "That would definitely get this story an M-rating if anything."

"I don't _want_ this story to get an M-rating," said Incarnate pointedly. "Because, you know, the default search results show only K to T stories, so I'd lose a lot of viewers. Let's try this again."

···

"Vitani's Secret" Scene 1, Take 3  
Vitani dashed forward and stabbed Zira's foot with her claws. Her mother roared in pain. Vitani pushed Kopa hard, sending him flying back.

Kopa didn't quite make it to the cliff edge, and just fell onto his back. Zira just stood there, unsure of what to do now.

"Come on, Tani," said Kopa, standing up again. "You push like a girl."

Vitani scowled at him. "Just for that, I'm going to push you so hard on the next take, you're going to _scream_ like a girl."

"Now that I'd like to see," said Zira with a smirk. The three lions all started laughing.

···

"Vitani's Secret" Scene 3, Take 1  
"It's over, Simba!" Zira called when the king and his forces finally reached them. "I have dreamed of nothing else for years..."

"Boy, does she need a hobby," remarked Timon.

Simba groaned. "Timon, you weren't supposed to say that line this time."

"Oh," said Timon. "Then why am I even here?"

"I was just wondering that myself," said Incarnate. "Timon, Pumbaa, get off my set."

"But—but the kids love us so much—" Pumbaa protested.

"Off. _Now._"

"Even us classic characters don't get no appreciation no more," Timon muttered as Pumbaa walked off the set with him. "No wonder Disney ain't as popular as it used to be."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 1  
Banzai jumped onto Kopa, who countered by planting his footpaw on his abdomen, using the momentum to flip himself on top and pin the hyena.

Banzai screamed when he could see Kopa's face clearly. "Guys, let's scram! It's him! It's Simba!" He frowned. "No, not Simba..."

"Mufasa," reminded Incarnate.

"Oh, right. Thanks."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 2  
Banzai screamed. "Guys, let's scram! It's him! It's...it's...what's-his-face..."

"_Mufasa,_" said Incarnate, sounding a little annoyed now.

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 3  
"Guys, it's him! It's Musafa...fasi...Mu—Musi—"

Incarnate placed one hand to his face and groaned. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 4  
Banzai screamed. "Guys, let's scram! It's him! It's—Ahadi!"

"What, so you know Ahadi, but you don't know Mufasa?" Incarnate yelled indignantly.

"Hey, it's been eighteen years since I've done this," Banzai said defensively. "Besides, I like reading the children's books and Ahadi is my favourite character..."

"Look, here's a list of how much I care," said Incarnate, holding up an invisible sheet of paper. "Now shut up and get back into position."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 5  
"What are you doing all the way out here alone?" Fujo asked.

"I'm trying to get to Mount Kilamawhatsit," said Kopa. He cleared his throat. "Let's try that again."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 6  
"I'm trying to get to Mount Kilimanjoey...dammit, Banzai!" Kopa shouted at Banzai, who was laughing at him from inside the cave behind him. "I blame you...you confused me when you kept calling me all those names."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 1, Take 7  
"I'm trying to get to Mount Kilijanmoro...I'm trying to get to Mount Kijiman...Mount Kiljamo...blegh...I'm trying to get this word down, but I can't speak this African stuff..."

"I feel you," said Simba from off-set. "It took me weeks to learn how to say 'Hakuna Matata'."

"That was Matthew Broderick," Incarnate reminded him.

"Oh, right."

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 4, Take 1  
"I've never seen anything like it," Tumaini whispered. "It's...amazing."

"This is Siri Hollow," said Siri. Then she giggled. "'Siri Hollow'? Did I really say 'Siri Hollow'?"

"Vanity, thy name is Siri," said Tumaini, his expression immediately becoming amused. "Show me inside, O Great Siri the Immaculate. I don't suppose there's a shrine devoted to you as well?"

Siri shoved him, roaring with laughter. "Oh, stop it, you!"

···

"Shira Hollow", Scene 4, Take 2  
"It's...amazing," Tumaini whispered.

"This is Shire Hol—no, not the Shire...ugh." Siri shook her head, exasperated. "I knew I shouldn't have done a Lord of the Rings marathon with Mheetu last night..."

"The Shire, you say?" Tumaini said. "I must say it looked a lot more...inhabited last time. So when are we to journey into Mordor? I know that one does not simply walk there, but we must persevere nonetheless..."

"Tumaini," Siri giggled. "I'm trying to do this scene seriously, but you're making it very hard for me."

"Hey, you're the one that keeps screwing up," he said defensively. "I'm delivering my lines just fine."

Malka ran up to them. "I've been standing around for twenty minutes now, can you two do this right already?"

But Tumaini wasn't done quite yet. "Are they taking the Hobbits to Isengard?"

"What?" said Malka, confused.

"Don't ask," Siri said, still smiling.

···

"Intervention", Scene 3, Take 1  
"Okay, I'm going to test my weight on it first," Kopa said. "Just to be safe."

"Be careful," Tumaini said. "Don't slip off or anything, because, you know, you'll be falling right on the heads of those lions down there, and that would really blow our cover."

Kopa paused. "Was that actually in the script?"

"No," Tumaini admitted. "I was supposed to sound much more concerned, but it was boring, so I improvised." He turned to look off-set. "Hey, can we keep that line? I actually really like it."

Incarnate sighed. "Fine. But don't call my writing boring again."

"I'm doing you a favour, you know. Your script needs more laughs."

"Okay, okay, I get the point. Now do the scene already."

···

"Intervention", Scene 3, Take 2  
Kopa stepped onto the outcrop, testing his weight on it. He stood there for over thirty seconds, waiting. When nothing happened, he looked around. "Um, cue the massive rockslide, please? Sometime this century would be nice."

"Sorry, we're having difficulties," called a technician from off-set. "Just give us a few minutes, we'll have it fixed as soon as—"

There was a muffled explosion, followed by a shower of massive rocks crumbling from the cliff walls and down into the gorge. Caught by surprise, Kopa lost his footing and fell down the tall cliff.

"I got him! I got him!" Janga shouted, as she and her lions ran out under him holding a large mattress. He landed on it with a _thump_, knocking the wind out of the half dozen lions that had caught him.

Kopa groaned as he stood up, rubbing his back. "Director, how low-budget is this story?" he yelled.

"Cut me some slack, it's my first Lion King story," Incarnate called down from the top of the gorge. "I got virtually no funding for this. But trust me, once we put it out, it's going to sell and we're all going to be loaded. In the meantime, just bear with me."

"I'll try to live long enough," Kopa muttered. "If your special effects don't kill me first."

···

"Epilogue", Scene 1, Take 1  
"Who's Janga?" Simba asked.

Sarabi sighed as she stared at the pawmark. "Janga was born while Scar was king over the Pridelands. She was his daughter...and mine." She looked up to meet Simba's gaze. "Simba, you have a sister."

Simba thought about this for a moment. "Is she adopted?" he said after a moment.

Nala, Afua, Kula, Tama, and the others burst out laughing. Sarabi tried to look serious, but she was smiling too. "I just said I had her with Scar."

"Just checking, " said Simba. "In case the director wrote her to be secretly in love with me or something later on."

"That'd be pretty twisted," said Sarabi. "But then again, Kovu and Kiara almost ended up as cousins, so..."

"Hey, that was Disney's idea, not mine," said Incarnate. "My scripts aren't _that_ twisted. And what are you two still going on about anyway? That's a wrap, you don't have to make jokes about my writing while I'm right here. Now get off the set, I'll send you your paychecks next week. And don't go spending it on any vacations or anything, because I'll be calling you back for the sequel in September."

Kopa was lounging at a nearby table and drinking a cup of coffee. "So what do we do now?"

"Let's go catch a movie," said Afua. "Who wants to see The Dark Knight Rises?" Everyone's paws shot up.

"Are you paying?" Kopa asked.

"You can't pay for yourself?" Afua said in disbelief.

"Hey, this is my first acting job," Kopa said. "I'm kinda broke until next week. But you got hired for Shembre's story last month, didn't you?"

"I played a supporting character," sighed Afua. "But fine. You have to pay me back once the director signs our checks though."

The cast walked out of the studio, all talking among themselves. Incarnate let out a long breath as he slumped back in the director's chair.

"I can't believe I'll have to make four more of these," he grumbled.


	2. Book 2

Incarnate nudged Asante as Kopa walked onto the set. The two writers whispered to each other and laughed under their breaths as he stormed over, not looking pleased at all.

"You both suck!" Kopa yelled, not caring about the stares he drew. This only caused Incarnate and Asante to burst out into hysterical laughter. "Plastic surgery? You had me thinking I was going into plastic surgery?!"

"Come on, Kopa, it was a joke," said Asante, the first to get his laughter under control.

"It's not funny!" Kopa roared. "You two had me freaking out!"

"That was kind of the point," said Incarnate, grinning. When Kopa didn't respond, he said, "We have all the makeup you need for both our sets. We wouldn't put you through plastic surgery, you know that."

"I wouldn't have gone anyway," the lion muttered. "I don't care how much you pay me. What are you doing here anyway, Asante?"

"Oh, just thought I'd drop in and see how the production comes along here," said Asante.

"It's not pretty," Incarnate said. "But it is a lot of fun to watch."

"Yeah, that's if your set is actually safe to use now," Kopa muttered. "I nearly died shooting the first story."

"Nearly," Incarnate pointed out. "Where's the fun without a little danger? Now come on, chin up, we've got a lot of work to do."

"At least you'll stop messing with me," grunted Kopa as he walked off into the makeup department to get ready. "Your story is going to be too depressing, I'm calling it now."

Asante stared after him, shaking his head and smiling. "This is going to be interesting."

* * *

**[Author's Note]  
**By the way, see Asante's "Distractions" meta-fiction if you're wondering what the plastic surgery joke is all about.**  
**

* * *

"Prologue" Scene 2, Take 1  
"Be gentle," said Kivuli as Taya and Kupinga put Janga on her back. "She's in very bad—" She stopped talking as Janga started to slip, pawing at empty air. She grabbed the side of Kupinga's face but still fell off and landed on the ground, leaving long red stains trailing off Kivuli's back.

Janga started laughing and Kupinga tried to wipe the fake blood off his face. "Oh come on," said Incarnate. "Is it that hard to stay on someone's back?"

"Well, this is very slippery," Janga said. "Not my fault your makeup artists smeared it all over me."

Incarnate gave an exasperated sigh and said, "Kivuli. Go get cleaned up. We're redoing the shoot when you're ready."

"This is disgusting," Kivuli grumbled as she walked by.

"Well, what do you have in mind?" Incarnate asked rhetorically.

"Can't I, you know, drag her back to the camp?"

This only made Janga laugh harder. But Incarnate shook his head. "It's a short scene, Kivuli. Let's just get it over with."

"I hate your scripts," Kivuli muttered as she stalked off to get washed.

···

"The Runaway Heir" Scene 1, Take 1  
"After your father died, I gave up my position as queen immediately," said Sarabi. "The title meant nothing to me without Mufasa. And I would rather have been a common lioness than be Scar's queen."

"So why did—" Simba began.

"Simba, wait. Let me finish." She opened her mouth and paused. Then she frowned, clearly having forgotten her line.

"Go on," said Simba, trying to salvage the scene. Sarabi decided to roll with it.

"So I...I, uh...made it very clear that I...didn't want his company. So I...started sleeping with another lion and made sure he knew about it—"

"What?" said Asante, sitting up from his chair and grabbing the script from the table side.

"It doesn't say that," Incarnate protested from beside him, shooting Sarabi a dirty look.

"Sleeping with another lion, huh?" said Simba. "And how is that any better than getting intimate with Scar?"

"And doesn't that mean you have another kid running around somewhere?" Nala asked pointedly.

"Oh, forget this," grumbled Sarabi. "Let's just start again."

···

"The Runaway Heir" Scene 4, Take 1  
"I don't like heights," Kopa said in a small voice.

"It's safe, come on," Siri reassured him.

"What if you jump and miss it?"

"Then you fall to a horrible death," she said brightly. "We've only had it happen twice before, so it's not a big deal."

Kopa seemed genuinely afraid now. "Seriously?"

"Siri!" shouted Incarnate.

"What?" she said. "That's what it says in the script!"

"It does _not_," he said, snatching up the script. But when he flipped to the page, he saw that it was indeed the very words she had said. "Alright, who's been messing with my script?"

From off-set, Tumaini tried to contain his giggling.

···

"Of Cowards and Fools" Scene 1, Take 1  
"Tumaini!" called Afua, dashing up to him. "Tumaini, where are you going?"

Tumaini winced and swiped out a paw to shut him up. He accidentally caught Afua right in the face and sent him flying. Tumaini put one paw to his mouth. "Oh, shi—!"

"Nice one," said adult Afua, helping his younger counterpart get up. "You alright, kid?"

Cub Afua rubbed his face ruefully. "Do me a favour and hit him for me."

"Sure thing." Adult Afua bound over to the older Tumaini, who was pouring a cup of coffee from off-set, and dealt him a hard smack on the back of the head.

"Ow!" said adult Tumaini angrily. "What did I do?"

"Well, only you exist in the same time as me," adult Afua said. "So I thought it'd be fair."

Adult Tumaini glared at his adolescent self, who shrugged apologetically. "Hey, better you than me."

···

"Of Cowards and Fools" Scene 1, Take 2  
"Okay, so you two are going to be arguing right here," Incarnate explained. "Tumaini and Afua will sneak by and I'll give you the signal to stop shouting."

"Okay," said Kumi, a little uncertainly. "What are we arguing about?"

"I don't know, you come up with something. What do I pay you for?"

"To dramatically recite a script and pretend it's interesting."

Asante laughed. Incarnate nudged him in the ribs. "Okay, ready? One, two, three, action!"

Kumi turned to look at Malka, unsure of what to say. "Uh...I'm angry at you!"

"I'm angry at you too!" he shouted back.

"Well, I was angry at you first!"

"Oh yeah, well I can yell louder than you! So, um...bite me!"

Tumaini and Afua, who were sneaking by, stopped as a roar of pain was heard from behind them. They turned to see Kumi, who had done as Malka said and bit him on the shoulder. She let go sheepishly. "Oh, sorry. Was I not supposed to take that literally?"

Asante was still laughing. Incarnate grabbed a pen and a notepad and shoved it at him. "Here, you think this is so funny, you can write their script. And make it real specific, since these two obviously suck at ad-libbing."

"Okay," said Asante. "I've got a few ideas already."

"And no swearing," said Incarnate.

"Oh. But what about—"

"Not even 'crap'."

"Aww," said Asante. "You're no fun."

···

"Of Cowards and Fools" Scene 2, Take 1  
"Let's play hide-and-seek," said Kafiri.

"All right!" said Afua.

"Hide-and-seek?" said Fuada. "Don't be such an overgrown cub—"

She shot him a glare, then her eyes flicked to Afua briefly. The meaning was clear: the game would be a distraction for the cub, and give everyone else the chance to give him the slip.

"—alright, hide-and-seek it is," Fuada said, as if that settled the matter.

"Not it," said the adolescents in unison, sounding indeed like a bunch of overgrown cubs.

"Not...oh, come on," grumbled Afua, just a bit slower than everyone else.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," interrupted Asante, standing up.

"What?" asked Incarnate.

"Are you stealing lines from my stories?" Asante asked indignantly.

"Wha—no! When did I—"

"I used this exact same line in _The Lion King IV: The Rogue Pride_, you know."

"You did? Oh right, you did...huh." Incarnate scratched his head. "I didn't even read that until after I've finished this script, honest."

"Well, can you take it out?"

"Do I have to? This is one of my rare moments of humour in the story."

Asante sighed. "I guess you do need more humour. But don't blame me if my distributors send their lawyers after you. They're all a bunch of blood-sucking leeches."

"I'll give you twenty bucks if you make them look the other way," offered Incarnate.

"Deal," Asante said immediately.

···

"Of Cowards and Fools" Scene 3, Take 1  
There was a loud crack as the rock lodged between a crevice in a sloped part of the cliff. The force of the impact dislodged more, and it cracked open half the cliff face, sending a hail of rocks pouring rapidly down into the gorge. Tumaini froze.

The others were staring down into the gorge, frozen and unsure of what to do. The calamity eventually died down and everything was silent once more.

Kafiri gave a start, realizing that it was her line. She struggled to remember, and said the first thing that came to her mind. "Uh...well, that sucks."

···

"A Change in the Plans" Scene 2, Voice-over  
"So this is the scene where you introduce some of the _Six New Adventures_ characters," said Simba, reading over the script.

"It is," said Incarnate. "Now all these lines are going to be in your head. So just speak into the mic for the voice over."

He left Simba in the sound-proof podium to the audio control room, where a few others were standing and reading the script as well.

"Every writer puts me and Tojo together," grumbled Tama.

"That's because you guys look cute together," Incarnate pointed out. "Not to mention his caring nature is a good contrast to your..." he trailed off.

"My what?" Tama said challengingly, with a rather intimidating glare.

"Nothing," Incarnate squeaked, taking a step away from those claws. She bared her teeth.

"Those birds are annoying," she said. "They keep trying to peck me in the eye."

"Well, you'll just have to put up with it," said Incarnate. "They're going to act like they love you, so you have to do the same."

"You know, I'm pretty sure we're both supposed to be gold," Babu said, approaching with Boga. "But you've coloured me brown..."

"And I look like a walking brick," said Boga.

"Hey!" Chumvi said from off to the side.

Incarnate shrugged. "That's because you had to look like Kula and Chumvi. And no one confirmed that you two were those two cubs in the _Vulture Shock_ pictures."

"This colouring powder makes me itchy," Babu muttered.

"Look on the bright side," Incarnate said pointedly. "At least you don't look generic—" He broke off and turned to look at Simba, who was still reading his lines on the other side of the glass. Incarnate pressed the microphone button and spoke into it. "Wait, Simba, could you read over your last three lines again?"

"She did just fine after Scar died and took over the Pridelands," recited Simba, reading the script word for word. He paused. "'Died and took over the Pridelands'? That makes no sense."

"Keep reading," said Incarnate.

"Even though he tried to get intimate with her," read Simba, looking more confused by the second. "That would have been weird, if I came back and she had cubs with him. I mean, then this whole story wouldn't exist because Kopa would never have been born..."

"Right," said Incarnate, walking out of the booth. "I'm going to find out who keeps messing with my script. And then I'm going to kill them."

···

"Rogues in the Pridelands" Scene 1, Take 1  
"So, what is it?" Kiara asked.

Kovu's expression became serious. "Just wondering...about that night a couple weeks ago. I never got to ask, what did you think?"

"Well, if you must know, you looked like you were having a bit of trouble," she said. "Guess it was a new thing for both of us. But you seemed patient, so I took my time too. It was fun though."

"I'm glad you liked it. I had no idea what I was doing, but I think it was worth it since we both got better at it . Truth be told, I don't normally like getting wet—"

"Wait, wait, stop," said Incarnate. "Guys, are you really going to do it like that?"

"What?" Kovu asked blankly.

"For one thing, no one's supposed to know about that yet. The script says to lead the conversation to talking about Kopa, and this is just inappropriate."

Kiara looked confused. "Inappropriate? We were talking about the time we practiced swimming in the river. Since I nearly drowned in _The Lion King II_..."

"Oh," said Incarnate, suddenly looking very embarrassed.

"Why, what were you thinking of?" Kovu asked curiously.

"Nothing..."

···

"Rogues in the Pridelands" Scene 4, Take 1  
"Afua," Kopa called. Afua turned around.

"Hi, Kopa."

"Where's Bieber—Beba, sorry. Lemme try again." Kopa wriggled his tongue and hurried back to his starting spot.

"Everyone keeps calling me that ever since he became famous," complained adult Beba from off-set.

Incarnate gave a start and turned around. "Beba, what are you doing here?"

"You contacted me and asked if I wanted to be in your story," the cheetah said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but that's not until book 5—"

"Aha!" said Asante, taking out his phone. "Story leaks! Time to update my blog..."

"No, no, no, no!" said Incarnate frantically, running over and trying to take the phone. Asante held it out of his reach, grinning mischievously. "Asante, no one's supposed to know about that just yet."

"Too late," said Asante, showing him the uploaded content on the phone screen. "And his character gets a lot of fangirls, I know from personal experience when I had Beba in my story. So enjoy the flood of letters you'll be getting soon."

"You suck," muttered Incarnate, sitting down rather crossly.

···

"Rogues in the Pridelands" Scene 4, Take 2  
Kopa awoke from his dream, leaping to his feet suddenly—

—and hit the back of his head on the low ceiling. "Ow, f—!"

"Whose bright idea was it to put us under here anyway?" asked Siri, opening her eyes and staring up at the stone ceiling right above them. Kopa clutched his head, swearing.

···

"On the Move" Scene 1, Take 1  
"Janga, you can't be serial," said Kivuli.

"Oh, I'm perfectly serial," replied Janga with a straight face. "In fact, I'm so cereal that I could probably bunch it all up and eat it for breakfast. With milk, of course."

"Janga, try to be serious," said Incarnate, as Kivuli burst out laughing. "And Kivuli, try to _say _'serious'. Seriously."

···

"On the Move" Scene 1, Take 2  
"I know my limits, Kavuli," said Janga. "No, that's not right, is it..."

···

"On the Move" Scene 1, Take 3  
"I know my limits, Kuvali," said Janga. "Kuva—Kavu—is it Kavuli?"

"Kivuli," Incarnate corrected.

···

"On the Move" Scene 1, Take 4  
"I know my limits, Kovu—did I just call you Kovu? I'm sorry, let's do this again. I'll get it right this time, I promise."

···

"On the Move" Scene 1, Take 5  
"I know my limits, Kevu—aagh. Sorry, what was your name again?"

"Her name is Kivuli," said Incarnate. "And she's supposed to be one of your closest friends."

"Well excuse me if you only gave me two scenes in the previous story," said Janga.

"Janga, you got hired to play Binti in _Heart of the Shadowlands_," Incarnate said exasperatedly. "There's a character named Kivuli in that story too."

"Yes, but it's not the same thing. I didn't really have a lot of practice saying Kovali—"

"Kivuli!"

"Whatever!"

···

"On the Move" Scene 2, Take 1  
"Kiara, I was wondering why you looked familiar," Sabini said. "You were still a newborn when I last saw you. She looks exactly like Janga, doesn't she, Ni?"

"God, I should hope not," Ni said. "I mean, Janga's not bad of a looker, but this whole franchise has tread close enough to incest already. Let's try to avoid that bridge if we don't have to cross it."

Sabini looked confused. Then she realized what she said. "Oh, pfft. Sorry, I don't know why I said Janga. Nala, I meant Nala."

···

"On the Move" Scene 2, Take 2  
"Kiara, I was wondering why you looked familiar," Sabini said. "You were still a newborn when I last saw you. She looks exactly like Nala, doesn't she, Ni?"

"God, I should hope not," Ni said, still thinking of the previous take. "I mean, uh, that's not what I meant." He fumbled with this for a few moments, while Sabini and Kiara stared at him awkwardly. He finally composed himself, and tried to salvage his line. "Yes, yes I do hope so. Um...your mother was very pretty Kiara, even as a cub. At least I thought so...not in a weird way, of course, but..."

"Just stop," said Incarnate. "And try to stick with your line, please."

···

"On the Move" Scene 3, Take 1  
Rafiki took a leafy plant tied to his staff. "I have here a herb that will comfort you. If you take it, the cub will die from the effects, but the pains will no longer bother you."

Kiara shook her head. "Isn't there another way?"

"I could always hit you on the head with this," said Rafiki, gesturing to his staff.

Kiara laughed. "Uh, no thanks."

"Do it and you die," said Kovu.

Rafiki looked rather disappointed.

···

"On the Move" Scene 6, Take 1  
"About time," Fujo said. "I've been waiting for hours."

"You really do expect too much, Fujo," growled Jeraha, climbing out of the bush. "And I'm not very pleased with you right now."

Fujo smirked. "Well, I'm sorry. But I don't think it's ever been my job to pleasure you—that sounded wrong."

···

"On the Move" Scene 6, Take 2  
"You really do expect too much, Fujo," growled Jeraha, climbing out of the bush. "And there are a lot of things I'm tempted to do to you right now."

Fujo smirked. "Threaten me all you like, Jeraha. But Janga needs me, so if you're not afraid of what she might think, go ahead and do all the things to me you want—" Jeraha started laughing, and Fujo glared at him in mock irritation. "Oh come on, you set me up for that one. Don't even lie."

···

"On the Move" Scene 6, Take 3  
Jeraha stepped out of the bush and opened his mouth to say his line, but before he could do so, Fujo said, "Is that Pride Rock you're stepping over or are you just happy to see me?"

Every lion on set doubled over, roaring with laughter.

"That one was your fault," snickered Jeraha, smacking Fujo on the shoulder.

···

"Reunited in Passing" Scene 4, Take 1  
Fujo lunged at Sarabi, who leaped up and locked claws with him. The two lions fought brutally, hacking and swiping and putting on a very convincing show.

Sarabi's paw shot out, tripping Fujo and knocking him onto his stomach. She leaped on him and put her paws around the back of his neck, pressing down hard. He winced. "Owowow, hey, stop! Leggo!"

Janga and her lions burst onto the scene, surprised. "Mother! Are you—what the..." She quickly leaped forward and pulled Sarabi off Fujo. "Um, you were supposed to lose that fight."

"Sarabi, what is this about?" Incarnate asked.

"I am sick and tired of having my character getting killed off in these damn stories!" she growled. "What do you all have against me, huh?"

Fujo lay whimpering on the ground.

"Sarabi, cool down and go get some water," said Incarnate. "Come back when you don't feel like strangling my actors."

Sarabi stormed off, muttering, "First Asante...then Bookworm Gal...now you..."

···

"Reunited in Passing" Scene 4, Take 2  
"Err, sorry about earlier," Sarabi said, shuffling her paws. "I kinda lost it and it wasn't even your fault."

Fujo rubbed his neck. "Remind me never to piss you off."

The two lions took their positions. "Action!" Incarnate said. Fujo dove out of the bushes, lunging at Sarabi. They started to fight.

Kopa, who was running towards them, tripped over a rock and started rolling down the hill instead. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..." He burst through the bushes and knocked into Fujo, and they both fell flat.

Janga and her lions appeared on the other side. "Mother! Are—oh, come on." She turned around promptly and walked out of sight again with her lions.

···

"Reunited in Passing" Scene 5, Take 1  
Sarabi smiled gently up at Janga. "Look at you...all grown up...I never thought I'd see you again..."

"I was coming to find you," Janga whispered. "I've missed—"

And then Kopa sneezed from behind the bush. He poked his head out, smiling sheepishly at the two lionesses glaring at him. "Sorry, I tried to hold it."

"Way to ruin the moment, Kopa," said Janga exasperatedly.

···

"Captured" Scene 3, Take 1  
Kivuli swiped a claw at Simba, but he ducked the blow, and headbutted her in the ribs. She slammed into a tree, breaking it and causing it to topple.

"Crap!" yelled Incarnate and Asante at the same time, diving to either side as the tree smashed onto their table and cracked it in half.

···

"Captured" Scene 3, Take 2  
Afua punched Simba hard under the chin. His other paw came down but missed, grazing the side of Simba's face.

"Cut, let's do it again," said Incarnate.

···

"Captured" Scene 3, Take 3  
Afua punched Simba hard under the chin. He brought back his other paw to bring it down on Simba's head, but accidentally hit a nearby lion instead.

Afua turned around. "Oh, sorry."

"Do it again," said Incarnate.

"This is starting to hurt," said Simba, massaging his face. "Could you get it right already, Afua?"

···

"Captured" Scene 3, Take 4  
Afua punched Simba under the chin. Then his other paw came down, smashing the older lion hard over the head and knocking him out.

Afua slid himself under Simba and tried to run—and then collapsed.

"Oh geez, you're so heavy, Simba," he wheezed, unable to breathe. As Simba got off him, Afua gasped for breath. "How am I going to do this?"

"Stunt double it is," said Incarnate, beckoning for Afua's much stronger stunt double to come over.

"I told you to lose weight before we started shooting," called Nala from off-set. Kovu and Kiara, standing next to her, laughed as Simba gave them a dirty look.

···

"Captured" Scene 6, Take 1  
Kiara lay curled up on the stony hollow floor, with Kovu beside her and murmuring in her ear. Her eyes opened as Rafiki approached, and she whispered, "Rafiki, can we do the rest of this scene in a minute? I have to pee."

···

"True Intentions" Scene 1, Take 1  
Fujo, who was running as quickly as he could, reached Malka and his team. Between gasping breaths, he panted, "Malka—Kopa's—somewhere—Tumaini—somewhere else—can't remember—line—gonna try again—" He promptly turned and ran back to his position before Malka said a word.

···

"True Intentions" Scene 2, Take 1  
Kopa lunged at Fujo and tackled him to the ground. Fujo yelled and covered his face, struggling to free himself. "Ahh, no! Don't do it, don't..." Then he opened his eyes and saw that it was Kopa, who was staring down at him in confusion.

"You okay?" Kopa asked.

"Yeah, sorry," said Fujo. "I just...panicked."

Sarabi, who was standing off-set getting the fake blood cleaned off her fur, chuckled quietly. "I think I've scarred him for life."

···

"Forgotten Friends and Forsworn Family" Scene 2, Take 1  
"They've unblocked the tunnels," Siri murmured.

"What?" Tumaini asked.

"When I saw Janga's pride here, they were having trouble unblo—"

There was an explosion of sound above them as the boulder blocking the water tunnel burst out. Kopa ducked as it flew past where his face was a moment ago. He turned to stare at the boulder as it crashed into the wall behind him. "That nearly decapitated me! Incarnate, you said your props were safe—"

Kopa was hit by a jet of water, and was thrown head over tail down the tunnel. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh..." his voice trailed off as he rolled away from the chamber.

Tumaini looked back at Siri, who wasn't sure what to say now. "Looks more like she's having trouble keeping them blocked," he remarked.

···

"Forgotten Friends and Forsworn Family" Scenes 3—5, Take 1  
Kopa ran towards the edge of the tunnel overlooking the chamber and stepped into a puddle. He slipped just as he leaped off the edge. "Aw, son of a..."

Tumaini saw his blur coming down towards them. "Kopa!"

Kopa's trajectory was way off due to his slip, and he was flying not towards a guard, but the wall instead.

Everyone on-set and off it winced at the sound made from Kopa's head-first collision with the solid stone wall. "That's going to leave a mark," said Asante.

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 1  
"So I just ask a bunch of random questions?" Tumaini asked, reading over the script.

"That's right," said Incarnate. "You want to know every little thing there is to know about him."

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Action."

Tumaini walked down the corridor with the others, and asked Mateka. "What's his favourite type of flower?"

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 2  
"Is he better-looking than me?"

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 3  
"Can he eat grubs? I know Kopa is actually very partial to them..."

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 4  
"Has he gotten a girlfriend yet?"

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 5  
"Does he like the Buzzard Boyz? I like the Buzzard Boyz..."

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 1, Take 47  
"...um, I don't know how I'm even supposed to answer that," said Mateka after countless takes.

"Forget this," groaned Incarnate. "I'm going to write you an actual script here."

"Should've done that in the first place, don't you think?" asked Tumaini.

"Shut up."

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 3, Take 2  
Siri's paw grabbed onto Kopa's, and she put her other paw on the rocks. Straining, he managed to pull her up.

Tumaini was standing below them, staring up awkwardly. "Um...why aren't the rocks falling on me?"

Siri kicked and shoved at a rock with her hind paw, trying to get it loose. "Stupid...rock...it's stuck..." As she pushed it hard, it tumbled free, causing her to lose her footing. "Aagh!" She was still holding onto Kopa, and they both fell back into the chamber, right on top of Tumaini.

"What is it with me and rocks and falling," Kopa grumbled, getting to his paws.

"At least I didn't have to catch you on a mattress this time," Janga pointed out from off-set.

···

"Kopa's Decision" Scene 3, Take 2  
"Collapse the tunnel," Kopa said quietly to Siri.

"What am I supposed to tell your father?" she said, crying.

"Tell him..." Tumaini paused. "...I forgot my line. Tell him I forgot my line."

···

"Epilogue" Scene 1, Take 1  
"I believe they've both been captured by Janga," said Siri.

"Then we're not done here yet," said Simba. "I'm going to Mount Tempest. Those who are willing to come with me are welcome to. If you don't want to come, go...do something else...I guess..."

"Real smooth, Simba," said Nala, as the entire cast began laughing.

* * *

**[Author's Note]  
**And there you have it. It was getting late, but I decided to get this done already while I still can. I didn't want it to be a repeat of book 1's blooper reel, but some of the scenes I just had to re-use (such as the mispronouncing of names). I hope you liked these, I'll be working on book 3's reel...eventually. I have to take breaks between each one though, since I only have a limited reserve of funniness and even then I don't know how much you would laugh at these. Anyway, I have to recharge my ideas before I start writing book 3's bloopers, so in the meantime...go do something else...I guess...**  
**


End file.
